Using Descriptive Language
Thoughts on how to create engaging sentences for your readers by being deliberate with your descriptive language.
Hey Story Crafters,
While I was reading Hannah Whitten’s For the Wolf, one detail about her writing that caught the attention of my writer-editor brain is her use of deliberate descriptive language.
This is different from conscious language, which focuses on the intent behind the use of certain language in written work, and how that language may be received by the reader. Fiction editor Crystal Shelley is an expert on this topic, and in addition to this excellent blog post on conscious language, she has a conscious language style guide for authors available for purchase on her website, if you’re interested in learning more.
Deliberate descriptive language is a little different; it focuses on craft instead of the reader, though effective descriptive language should still leave an impression on the reader. In the most basic sense, descriptive language uses imagery to illustrate a comparison and/or emotion to the reader. Hopefully, you’ll evoke an emotional response or resonance from the reader as well.
Example of descriptive language: Dread lanced down his spine, freezing his limbs.
However, leveling up your descriptive language is a goal to set for the editing phase. First, finish your novel or short story. After you’re done writing, review the themes of your novel, the setting(s), and the personality of your protagonist (or personalities of your main point-of-view characters, if there are multiple POVs).
Then, during the editing phase—more specifically, the line editing phase—you can start reviewing the existing descriptive language for opportunities to be more deliberate with it.
Taking character personality into account while using descriptive language calls back to a few earlier posts I wrote on dialogue—more specifically, how dialogue (both internal and external) should be unique, distinct, to each character. This is true for descriptive language as well. For example, if Character A has the ability to manipulate water, the descriptive language in their internal dialogue might feature a lot of references to liquid, coolness (temperature-wise), and/or aquatic life.
A reader’s emotional response or resonance to descriptive language, which I mentioned earlier, applies to this idea of using descriptive language that suits a character’s unique personality. I strongly believe this aspect of descriptive language—highlighting a character’s unique personality and voice—is important to creating compelling characters, and a compelling story. As an editor, I do my best to help authors achieve this effect during a line edit.
Links to dialogue posts: [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Editing Dialogue]
A couple of examples…
Example 1: For the Wolf by Hannah Whitten
The main setting is a magical forest, and the protagonist, Red, has magic that influences plant-life. A lot of descriptive language in the novel focuses on nature, of plant-life growing or dying. Sometimes it’s described in a beautiful way, and sometimes in a terrifying way, depending on the mood of the scene.
A description of Red trying to use her magic:
Letting out a long, slow breath, she tried to quiet her racing thoughts, to focus her intention. Growth, roots digging deeper into the soil as ivy leaves spread wide.
When it was clear in her mind, she reached for her power. Tentative, the barest touch, but it opened like a flower. (For the Wolf, 145)
Additionally, Red associates her love interest with things she loves. She loves to read and spend time in a library; her love interest spends a lot of time in a library. So this library smell is something she notices, especially when she’s feeling attraction for him.
Example 2: The Library of the Dead by T.L. Huchu
Note: I’m currently reading this novel, so I’m only picking out a couple of examples from what I’ve read so far.
The protagonist, Ropa, can see and talk to ghosts. Which means there’s a lot of language involving death imagery:
“This place [the everyThere] makes me sick. I feel as if I’m decomposing and worms are eating my body.” (The Library of the Dead, 51)
Her voice is strong, and the use of deliberate descriptive language makes it even more distinct:
“Alien as the idea may seem, this plane of existence [the everyThere] is grafted to our own like a stillborn Siamese twin.” (The Library of the Dead, 51)
From what I’ve read of the book so far, there isn’t another character who would describe the plane of existence where ghosts linger as one that’s “grafted to our own like a stillborn Siamese twin.” It’s a very specific image, unique to this specific character’s distinct voice.
These are just some of my thoughts and observations on deliberate descriptive language. Feel free to add any thoughts or examples in the comments.
Remember, don’t try to experiment with deliberate descriptive language until after your novel or short story is complete. Focus on getting the story out first, and then on developmental editing, to make sure your story is as strong as it can be. Experimenting with language happens in the next stage, with line editing, when you can focus on tweaking sentences around to improve flow, clarity, and impact through descriptive language.
If you are at the line editing stage of your editing journey and you’re in need of another set of eyes, I might be able to help you out! I offer line editing as one of my services—and it’s my favorite type of editing to help authors with.
If you’re interested in working with me, get in touch! I’d love to hear from you, and to learn about your project. I’m currently booking clients up until December.
Until next time!
Best,
Leah